Decisions, and tears at bedtime!

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ok, firstly after my experimenting on bags, sitting back analysing them, considering the pros and cons ( it’s the scientist in me! can’t help it!) i have decided to use a mixture of the eurotech bags for when i’m swimming and doing sporty type stuff, and using the microskin at other times!  I wasn’t sure if you could do this, so was willing to drop the microskin if needs be.  luckily you can use two different makes of bags! phew!  So on to delivery companies!  i was with a big company that used a seperate delivery firm, i never liked them! I love local! i don’t use supermarkets, i get all my fruit and veg from a farming cooperative which is big but also small at the same time.  i get it delivered every week, what i ask for, sometimes special little gifts added from my wonderful farmer, I know my delivery driver really well.  i wanted this sort of service with my bags!  i noticed friends who lived midlands and down south used small companies with there own delivery driver, i wanted this so went looking.  after the same sort of decisive sorting that I done with the bags, i found a nice local company with there own drivers, and a named member of staff who will deal with all my orders personally.  i like not being a number!  i pannicked when they couldn’t find my ‘swimming bags’ but she promised she’d sort it for me, 10 minutes later she rang me back to say she’d found them on the system, they’re a new product which is why she couldn’t find them earlier!  I get my first delivery from them next monday!  on to the subject of tears at bedtime!  i’ve been strong, maybe too strong, pretending that having an ostomy is nothing.  Yes i love my new life, crazy but true!  ok i would have preferred not to have had UC to begin with but I did,  so having UC or having the bag? no contest!  i found on a few occasions i’ve  just turned into a blubbering mess for no real reason.  A wise friend recently ttold me it’s kind of a greiving process, that kind of helped as i thought i was going nuts!!!  first time was a few weeks after my operation when a ‘friend’ commented on how fat i was looking that day!  first day out in skinny jeans and t-shirt!  had some tears, took a while to pull myself together.  Dealt with it by clearing out all my clothes which were no longer appropriate.  kept the jeans but was not keeping short t-shirts! Second time was beecause i wasn’t invited to a family get together because of my bag!  normally i’d have just said there loss! but it kind of got to me and I realised i couldn’t stop crying!  third time, a friend posted that she was going to a group meet for people with bowel problems, i got upset cause there was nothing like that up here up north!  I felt so alone!  so pulled myself together and set up notheast stoma girls!  anyway burst intotears the other night, i’d been feeling so good for ages, with the article, the fashion video  then just randomly read a conversation on facebook, some crohnie friends all decending on newcastle for the day to meet up they sounded so happy to be seeing each other, i longed for that, and for some stupid reason i just began to cry again!  i guess it’s wanting to be around people who understand so you don’t have to be super strong all the time.  it’s all silly cause i’ve got loads of wonderful friends and am gradually getting more local ostomates through the group.  I think it’s good to let the tears out and sometimes you need silly little things to turn the tap on!  Back to my usual happy self quite quickly, and ralised I’d not done anything about the ‘family’ situation, sso made a stateement on facebook about coming out of the toilet!  and then deleted the lot of them!  I’m always hard on myself, crying over nothing is weak, especially when there’s people out there whose lives are a lot worse, but keeping it in is probably not good.  So let it out, pick yourself up and then get on with livong and loving life!

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3 responses »

  1. Your reaction to your “friend” calling you fat is normal. Ive done it. I also went through the demolition of my old wardrbe. I didnt wear Jeans for 8 months!! But the one thing that irks me about your struggle is that you were shunned by your family because you were ill. I’d delete them all too! You keep your head up hon!! Everyone in your FB family are here for you, always.

  2. My mum is lovely. It was my dad. His family were coming over from spain, he said they’d be too squeamish and it would be best if I didn’t go. They’d already said things to him about comments I was putting on facebook and he told me to not be so open about it. I deleted them all today. Thanks for your love and support

  3. I know your feelings. I to have those feelings but without the tears. What bothers me is my wife being able to do things that I used to do. In addition to Urostomy , I also have COPD. so I lug oxygen around. Have a good day!

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